I've always been a strong critic of myself, but revising has always been a tough assignment for me. Even doing feedback on essay's of the students I'd tutor in AVID, I didn't know what to say, how am I supposed to fix someone's views on something? I know it's different than suggesting to add some words or take out something, but feedback/revisions has always been a little tough for me.
After reading my essay over and over again, I had fifty different things to say, wanting to start over, fix a few things, completely change myy views on everything, etc. but I think I actually like this essay I've written, I know it'll be different when other people read it. But I much rather have someone else's suggestions than my own because I am very indecisive. I'm sure there's ideas I couldv'e added or replaced, but overall, I actaully liked my zero draft, and saved it as my first draft.
Through peer editing today, I hope to have feedback on things I can fix or leave alone, whatever feedback is given, I will take into consideration. So, during peer editing, I hope to grow in my writing through constructive criticism.
Nubia Salinas
9/20/2012 06:33:50

1. i really liked your title. how it was written in spanish and in english.
2. your essay does flow it doesn't jump around from one thing to another stays on topic.
3. i didn't find anything confusing, just wondering what was your favorite hobby. and one sentence that i kept re-reading. other than that it was clear and straight foward.
4. i didn't find any dialouge, but it was interesting not boring.
5. it was meaningful and i can relate a little with how you learned english by watching movies and cartoons. because i myself learned like that too, my mother didn't and still doesn't speak english to me just from time to time.
6. you expalined how to learned english and how you still use spanish in your new community and new house. significance in your essay is that knowing how to read and write is very important because we use it for so many things.
7. the ending didn't leave me thinking because the essay itself was straight foward and clear so i was satisfied.
8. narrative has to be three full pages and your is a page and a little more than half so you're half way there, i'll be interested in reading the rest of your narative :)

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Rajonae Williams
9/23/2012 09:43:43

First, let me apologize for my late response. But I read your literacy narrative and it was interesting to read because I would have never pinned Spanish to be your first language only because your English is spoken really well.
1. the title I thought was cool that you made it both English AND Spanish.
2. Your narrative flows well you hit each point in your paragraphs (it had a purpose) and the topic is clear to me
3. Nothing was confusing just check paragraph 2 towards the end. I was not sure if certain sentences were fully complete. Other than that I was not confused.
4.There is no dialogue, so maybe you can add a little bit of it to make your narrative a little more personal to you. There was detail in the narrtive, though.
5. Your story is very relateable to readers that English isn't their first language but it is also interesting enough for the same readers and others like me to care, because I couldn't imagine having to learn another language I am not familiar with.
6.The significance in your story was the conflict which was you didn't know English at first and your grandparents said you should learn before you started school, the resolution is that you learned English and now you use both in your everyday life. So both Spanish & English literacy play a role in your life was the significance.
7. You ended it clearly and still your point came across I was satisfied.
8.I think that maybe if you add a little dialogue of some sort when you were explaining the challenging moments of learning English and maybe a bit more detail to your body you will meet the criteria of three pages. Other then that I thought your narrative was encouraging and meaningful along with insightful.

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